Is it a primal necessity to perpetuate the species or born from a narcissistic desire to perpetuate the ego?
The older I get the less averse I become to the idea of actually having children of my own. I am confident that I'd be a good father, creating responsible citizens, open-minded, good souls, and assets to humanity for the generations to come. However, being the anal-retentive micro-manager that I am, the timing is never going to be right to sire my progeny. I over-think, meticulously plan and think impulsiveness is a primitive instinct.
Further to that, part of me wonders if on a cosmic level gay people were even meant to have children. I still cling to the indoctrination of my childhood that spoke of the predestination of the invisible hand and I often secretly wonder whether same-sex attraction is a mechanism for population control whereby a minority of every animal population simply does not reproduce so as to mitigate the incessant breeding of the heterosexual majority.
Despite the nagging notion that gay people having children (in droves) is some sort of attempt to conform to a hetero-normative concept of what is "a natural and normal progression for relationships" I cannot discount the fact that for many people the desire to have children pre-dates the self-realization of their own sexuality. The dreams of the pitter-patter of little feet came long before the glitterati induction.
Why?
I'd be very dishonest if I were to deny that the idea of a mini-me is not tempting. Beyond the obvious self-satisfying concept that is cloning comes the truth that this mini-me may not be a mini-me at all...but an improvement on all my faults. I would have the opportunity to take note of, and correct my shortcomings by molding this improved version of myself so that my legacy would live on into perpetuity, making an impact on humanity long after I am gone. That makes me smile, posthumously even.
My life's journey thus far has afforded me tremendous opportunities and experiences of which I have a lot to pass on. It would be a shame for my legacy to exist only in memory, print, or cyberspace in this instance, and that is the essence of the beauty that is reproduction.
Children are a precious time capsule of memories, lessons, and beliefs. Many parents do not take the time to reflect on the spiritual significance of the child. They are at once conduits for ancestral knowledge and beacons of hope for the future in a world of uncertainty. This therefore means that parenthood is a blessing and a tremendous responsibility that is never to be taken lightly.
I wonder if people think of these things when they DECIDE to have children (for even "accidents" are a misnomer in 2010 where birth control no longer includes straddling a garden hose and praying for the best).
I suspect that the unspoken language of the beauty in a child's smile is the great motivator. That esoteric spiritual knowledge that lies behind the innocent eyes of a newborn.
Halle Berry said recently that the creator got it wrong when he decided that fertility peaked in youth and ebbed with maturity. She said that the good sense that maturity brought should be rewarded with an increase in fertility as after all, that was the ideal time to have children: when you have all your shit together. Instead what happens more and more is that the idlers have children by the dozen and those that really want (and deserve them) are barren. How ironic.
In the same breath, why shouldn't those that would really appreciate the precious gift that is parenthood be allowed to determine their own destiny by starting families by whatever means they choose?
Same-sex parenthood can (and does) offer an immeasurably important lesson in diversity and the acceptance of all colours of the spectrum of life that the creator has blessed us with. Very often the children of same-sex couples have not just one pair of mother and father, but two! The partners of each of their respective parents are also integral parts of the whole.
On the other hand, what do you do if you are in a relationship (same-sex or otherwise) in which the desire to have children is not shared, or not as much a priority between the partners. What if having a child by a certain point in life is seen as critical and integral to the realization of a life long dream of your partner while you are apathetic about children, not ready at the same time, do not view turning 30 years old, for example, as any significant milestone (worse one warranting the introduction of a child as some sort of achievement or status symbol) or downright opposed to the idea of having them?
I've never been particularly keen on children as earlier stated, but as I get older the idea seems less abstract and I understand to some degree why people feel the need to breed. However, often I am still puzzled as to why people brought children into the world and what exactly was their motivation. They were usually less stressed before having them. Their lives were their own and they were at liberty to hop on a plane to Timbuktu without leaving their progeny as a burden to anyone else.
Honestly, I much prefer pets to kids. Yes, I said it...give me a puppy over a pickney any day!
I do not believe that children should ever be a burden to anyone, much less the person responsible for bringing them on to this earth...they didn't ask to be born, nor were they immaculately conceived or divinely ordained.
The decision to have children, no matter your circumstances, should be one that is made only after tremendous thought. The days of having a brood and saying God will provide are long gone. More responsibility needs to be taken for the souls you bring forth into this realm and the motivation should never be vanity, or pressure to conform (also vanity).
At some point I'll have to stop pontificating and make a decision.
Or maybe, as the proselytism of my childhood would have me believe, whether I bring forth a child or not has already been determined.
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