This is a wonderful message coming from Ellen DeGeneres that was inspired by the Tyler Clementy suicide at Rutger's University.
Beautiful, except that Tyler Clementy was not the victim of bullying at his university. Humiliation: yes. Victimization: Definitely not. At least not how I interpret it.
What his house mates did was fuckry, in its plainest terms, and they are deserving of harsh disciplinary measures from the University administration, further, the guilt from knowing that their insensitivity led to the death of this young man will be on their minds forever. That in itself is enough punishment in my mind. However, the notion that they could face a maximum of 10 years in prison is downright absurd.
Strangely, I find myself agreeing with the rhetoric in an editorial published by the Rutger's University student newspaper that accuses the news media, bleeding-heart celebrities (like Ellen), and the gay rights movement of exploiting Clementy's suicide and warping it in keeping with a deeper self-interested agenda.
That Clementy would kill himself because he was publicly humiliated by his room mate is terrible, yet I have a lingering cynical feeling behind my sympathy.
I am 25 years old with a very strong sense of self, and have been unashamed since my late teens. Perhaps that is why I find it hard to empathize with the suicide option many same-sex loving teens choose. In Jamaica it is simply not much of an option. Be fierce, or be killed. This is why Jamaican LGBTQ are so razor sharp. If one is soft, these animals will eat you up.
People have been fucking with me since the 7th grade. My best friend threatened to out me at 13 years old, and I felt my life was about to implode, yet I never contemplated walking in front of a speeding bus. I anticipated having to run for my life when the "man dem" (that anonymous, marauding mob of teenage testosterone) heard I had fantasies of over-stuffed sausages and having tea with Dorothy, but never did jumping off a bridge enter my consciousness. Maybe because in Jamaica suicide isn't exactly presented as an escape clause.
I was the subject of public and private humiliation, gossip, and ostracism for most of my high school career. I was outed by a classmate at 16 years old in a personal development class and my usually verbose and witty teenage persona was frozen with shock at the randomness of this assault; being the naked fat kid with the micro-penis in the room full of Abercrombie models that pointed and laughed is somewhere I can still project myself to. The sting of that first tear welling up in my left eye as I struggled to absorb this symbol of defeat back into my body is still very fresh. But again, I would not allow him to break me. Ironically, he eventually killed himself after a dark downward spiral from marijuana-induced schizophrenia.
I have been where Tyler Clementy has been, and I know others have been through much worse because of the sense of entitlement the bullies have to their cruelty.
But his death should not be used to score political points and as a call to arms for queers worldwide to take on bullying. Instead I believe same-sex loving teens should be encouraged to find their inner strength, love themselves for who they are, and not be ashamed or afraid. Hard to say when you're the victim of daily torture and ignored by complicit instructors and others in authority but it is a message that needs to me heard, and heard often.
That is why I like this "It Gets Better" YouTube Campaign:
I feel it is much less politicized and much less likely to be construed as such.
I don't like the runaway train, "we're here/we're queer", middle finger to the world, approach taken by many queer activists as I feel that, especially in environments like Jamaica, it does more harm than good- often irreparable damage.
I'm much more inclined to moderate appeals to people's sensibilities. Of course, this is informed by my latent belief that activism operates in a world where most people are going to believe whatever bullshit they want to, no matter what logic or sensible arguments you present. People would rather die with their silly beliefs than engage with your alternatives because they feel that your alternative notions are anathema to their very identity. So fuck it, let them keep their stupidity to themselves.
But if you can get one impressionable jackass or sheep to jump the evolutionary pond and progress from a hoofed bullshit regurgitator to a bi-pedal critical thinker then that is commendable.
We'll never fully understand why Tyler Clementy felt that jumping off a bridge was the best way to deal with his humiliation. Maybe there was great shame associated with his sexuality and this public display of his darkest secret was too much for him to bear. But he is not here to explain it, and it is not our place to create a campaign on suppositions and crucify these young people as an example to other insensitive people.
If it was a woman who had her tryst broadcast for the world to see and she killed herself afterwards would we be talking about a hate crime or looking for a deeper root cause?
This represents my problem with suicide. Even with the most comprehensive of suicide notes there will always be unanswered questions because in the absence of facts, gossip reigns.
Suicide is an injustice to the deceased and in this instance, a quagmire for the greater cause of tolerance.
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